From the notebooks of Lynnie Lucette Eliza MacGinnis, 1968.
Yesterday all I worried about was the overpopulation of the planet, babies starving in Biafra, nuclear bombs, radiation, pollution, the extinction of the bald headed eagle, ignoring Jesus, going to hell and the possible invasion of freaky aliens who hover around our neighbourhood in spaceships called U. F. O’s or Youafoes, as my brother Fen says.
I also worry about Fen.
Fen is six, half my age and half my size. He looks like an excitable leprechaun with a brush cut. He’s got these pointy little ears sticking out of the side of his head and a grin that makes him look like he’s always up to something. He usually is.
Think molasses in my rubber boots.
Think rubber boogers dripping from his nose.
Think clothespins on my nose when I was sleeping once.
Fen also has a speech impediment which includes pronunciation problems and what really creeps me out is that he seriously thinks little green men called moos come out of electrical receptacles every night. He’s so convinced they’re real he’s almost got me convinced.
I doodle. This activity helps quell my fear. Quell: To subdue, to overcome, to crush, to KILL. A good word that once earned me winning points in a Scrabble game. I also collect words—in my personal campfire notebook.
I have a rule about my weird word notebook. The weirder the word the better. The latest addition to my never ending vocabulary list is pusillanimous. This word is an adjective which is an antonym to courageous and synonymous with cowardly and fearful. Like I am feeling right now.)
So..where was I ? Fen. Right. Fen.
Why I worry about Fen is because last year, he put bee-bees up his nose and ate half a worm. Not at the same time, but he did. Weird or what? He had to go to emergency for the bee-bees and the other half of the worm wiggled away. Seems worms can survive being decapitated.
Unlike that poor pig.
From Majorly Weird and Frequently Wonderful, Doubleday Canada (forthcoming)